5 Reasons we Find it Hard to Forgive
The Art of Forgiving, without being Foolish
In this article, I will reveal the mistakes some of us make when it comes to forgiveness and how to forgive through true wisdom. I am also going to expose and explain the 5 reasons to why we find it so Hard to Forgive.
Living our Ultimate Life is easier when our hearts remain as light as a feather.
Be Forgiving, NOT Foolish – Forgive but never Forget
– Apology accepted, Trust Denied
I’ve spent a long time practising compassion, kindness, and all other expressions of love. In fact, I’ve made it one of my priorities in life. However, forgiveness doesn’t mean making your brain redundant or adopting selective memory. Wisdom is as much learning from the past as it is letting go of the stories attached to situations, people and beliefs that keep us from wholeheartedly embracing life. This includes the restoring of universal love towards the people who have wronged you. However, this doesn’t mean forgetting the tendencies and behaviours that may still be active in the other person.
Everyone who knows me, knows I love everyone, even my so-called enemies. However, there are close friends I wouldn’t trust with money, others I wouldn’t entirely trust with my wife and others I wouldn’t go into business with. My trusting of them isn’t particularly personal, it’s simply a conscious evaluation of what’s real. It has nothing to do with a lack of love for them (I truly love them), but has everything to do with wisdom and making wise, awakened choices. I always say that one of my definitions for wisdom is, the foreknowledge. The more we can see before the event, the more we can prevent, prepare and keep our choices in line with our deepest desires.
How to forgive someone
Forgiveness is letting go of the energy that expresses itself as a disappointment, hurt and anger. It’s allowing the situation to pass you by without taking you with it. It’s saying no! to its hold and influence over you. It’s letting the dense energy that has been generated to dissipate and defuse.
Unforgiveness has also been described in many ways. One of my old favourites is – unforgiveness is like drinking a cup of poison and expecting the other person to die. This describes the process of holding on to the dense energy of unforgiveness so well; it creates a great mental picture. When we hear or see this metaphor we smile because it’s both (in someway pathetic behaviour) and behaviour we’ve all practised.
Why do we find it so hard to forgive?
The 5 reasons exposed
The Warm Poison
It’s interesting how the Poison of unforgiveness keeps us warm and comforted. Referring back to the metaphor of drinking the poison. We somehow convince ourselves that by holding on to the bitterness or dense energy, we keep the wrongdoer accountable. And if we let go of the bitterness, we allow them to get away without punishment. We may even think that we’ll be sending a message that says ‘what they did is ok now or it wasn’t that bad’.
These are all true perspectives from the ego’s viewpoint. The ego game is a game where no one wins; it’s an illusion that has us believing that we are making progress, expanding and evolving. However, true evolution is spiritual and authentic. It requires truth and genuine confrontation of the situation. Bitterness is hard to let go of because it serves as a distraction from our real hurt and pain. The truth will set us free. Exercising forgiveness allows us to remove the distraction and deal with our hurt. So we can heal and experience life through the joy and freedom of unlimited love.
Wrong ideas about forgiveness
I sometimes start a workshop with a question like ‘what is forgiveness?’, it’s interesting how many misconceptions about forgiveness exist. Many believe forgiving equates to justifying and forgetting the incident. Others think it means that the wrongdoer has to admit wrongdoing. Some of the others are that trust is instantly restored(like I’ve mentioned previously), or there must be reconciliation, and the offender is released from the consequences of their actions. although all can be apart of unforgiveness, it doesn’t have to be. Again as I’ve mentioned previously, forgiveness is simply giving up your right to condemn and hold associated dense energy, giving full judgment over to universal wisdom.
Our Internal Judge
In short, they did wrong and we want to see them suffer as a consequence. It further hurts us to know they could get away ‘scott free!’, without being adequately punished. In actuality, they don’t get away with it, at all. First of all, forgiveness merely means you release them from your personal vengeance. Second, If we really become familiar with the laws that govern the universe, we’ll understand that nothing and no-one can bypass, escape or trick the consequences of these laws. Subscribe to our newsletter because you’ll learn a whole lot about these laws and their consequences. These laws take everything into consideration, giving us the freedom to simply forgive and forget and allow the laws to run their course.
Them and Us distortion
We tend to place the wrongdoer in a category of ‘Evil person’. However, is it really them and our reality?. Or is it a case of we all do good, bad and ugly things to others or even other expressions of consciousness (trees, insects, objects, etc)?. Aren’t we all guilty of being the toxic folk at some stage of our lives?. The truth is, we should be given room to grow, expand and learn, this is another way of saying, forgiveness. We all deserve to be given the space to evolve, even if it looks as though we’re not progressing. Continuously seeing ourselves as ‘perfect works in progress – the same as everyone else’, preserve a balanced, compassionate perspective towards others.
In some of my workshops, I often teach a process I call ‘Heart Surgery.’ A process I personally use at least once per month. It’s a practice of clearing your heart of all dense energy that can express itself as anger, bitterness, resentment, a grudge, sarcasm, judgment, and mistrust. This enables the heart to be kept feather-light and open to extending a greater level of forgiveness. Forgiveness requires a heart that is not closed and isn’t infected with the stories of old wounds.
Remember, the art of keeping your heart as light as a feather makes living your ultimate life a lot easier.
I hope you’ve taken a few things from this article. I’d love you to comment on any or all of the 5 Reasons we Find it Hard to Forgive and/or being forgiving but not foolish. example.. which of the reasons are challenging for you? or are you forgiving and forgetting to your detriment?