How to Stand up for Yourself
Being a doormat sucks! A doormat is a term that is used for a submissive person who allows others to dominate them. Our deep-seated insecurities and low levels of esteem allow us to accept this treatment. We become compliant to the demands of others and submit to their desires. We suppress our inner feelings and gradually erode our sense of self-worth. Hence, we push our needs to one side and adjust our desires to fit everyone elses. It's not hard to see that there is a challenge in knowing how to stand up for yourself. And why your opinion of yourselves will be on the decline.
You're at a point where you can be pushed around and make it easy for others to impose their will on you.
The term Pushovers describes this flawed character well. Although, in order to start reversing this condition of self-hatred, yes, at the root it's hating on yourself. We need to identify and expose the traits that keep this condition alive.
How to stand up for yourself by first identifying the traits that support it.
1. Pushovers Over agree with others:
They are always eager to agree with everyone rather than forming their own opinions on various matters. They find it very convenient to agree with others as it avoids any chance of being disliked or questioned. This also bypasses the challenge of fitting in and being accepted into a particular group
2. Inability to say No!:
They find it hard to say No! to anything. That is why they fall prey to the whims of their proverbial masters. They become submissive and employ the people pleaser mentality. They hate being judged, criticized, and fear losing out on the few real or even superficial friends. Hence, it becomes impossible for them to build and maintain their authenticity.
3. Inability to make independent decisions:
They are unable to make decisions for themselves. This is because they find it convenient to leave the leadership role to someone else, and they just become the spectator or the supporter. They try their best to avoid the scrutiny or spotlight and hence in doing so, they leave the responsibility and leadership role to others.
4. Fear of losing out on contacts:
It is no secret that this mentality and condition tends to have a mental weaknesses. One of these includes the inability to handle the loss of a contact. They always feel that the continuance of relationship is the most important thing. Because loss of a relationship further diminishes their view of themselves. Given that fact, even if they are being exploited, they tend to diffuse the situation and/or pretend as if nothing happened. They're over-enthusiastic about apologizing (generated by their insecurity). Or they're quick to want to adjust their behavior to accommodate the other person's ill behaviour.
5. Low self-esteem:
To state the obvious, this condition is driven by low self-esteem. They do not take themselves seriously and possess a displaced sense of loyalty. Hence, they feel negative about themselves and their prospects. They think that for them to be remotely successful, they need to latch on to somebody and work under their guidance indefinitely. An unhealthy dynamic that prevents real growth and maturity.
If you want to know how to stand up for yourself, first you have to know it's an inside job. For others to be able to treat you in a certain way, permission has to be granted by the way you perceive yourself. This level of low self-value needs to be exposed by the light of truth - let's see it as it is. Ask yourself the questions, why is it that you're letting others push you around?. Why is it that at some level you place your opinion and needs below others?. Could it be the lack of confidence and self-love you have for yourself?. Drill down a little more to find specific expressions of this lack in self-worth. Whatever it might be, you need to work on building this up rather than giving in to the wishes of other people.
For example, if you feel as though you lack the confidence to communicate well, seek help from a local voice coach or a motivational speaker. However, there are several things that you might have created in your mind which do not exist in reality. You might feel as though you might not be good at something based on your preconceived notions. You may need to build up your view of your core ability to develop your traits and talents. This is otherwise known as your Growth Mindset. At the base of this mindset is a belief in yourself that 'knows,' you can develop your traits, intelligence, skills, and talents if you focus your resources. Whether you're required to apply your attention, choices, consistent behavior and determination, you know that you can do it!.
There are powerful books and course that can assist you in building and expanding your mindset, one being the new Ultimate Life Academy 'Mind Power training' course. This is a course that takes you step by step into expanding your mind, perspective, and the way you think. The way you think is key to both the way you view yourself and the power you're able to walk through life with. It stands to reason, the more power you carry, the more you can release and the more you can use for achieving anything you want.
How to stand up for yourself Like High Achievers
It's plain to see that the highest achievers show up in life with power, certainty and focused motivation. This is a skill that can be developed, harnessed and used to live a life you want to live. In fact, it's a requirement.
Another aspect that you need to take into account with people pleasing and other mental health conditions is that you are not alone in this challenge. It is very convenient to blame your upbringing or your nature for acting in a particular way. As a caring and experienced coach, I must state, these are simply excuses that delay your healing. You need to understand that there are millions of people around the world who go through these feelings and are gripped by these limiting beliefs about themselves. The good news is, these beliefs are 100 percent changeable. You just need to choose to change, find help, stay focused and see your life transform.
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