10 Ways to Increase your Conversation Skills
Quality and depth of our Relationships are shown to be directly linked to our conversational skill level. From how to strike up great conversations everytime to how to keep a conversation going, brushing up on our conversation skills is important. Similarly to everything else, increasing this skill takes time and a degree of focussed effort. The good news is, there are no limits to how far you can take it, the sky is truly the limit - from minor adjustments to major transformations in your use of tone, emphasis of words, assertiveness, stance and countless other 'dos and don'ts', some of which we will cover in this article.
New, exciting experiences - fascinating information - vastly different perspectives and paradigm shifts are just some of the things we miss out on if we have poor conversation skills.
If you think about it, your life experience is made up of relating and communicating with others. Whether it's family, intimate relationships, friendships, work & social life and don't forget complete strangers. All of these areas make up our experience of life. Our experience maybe exceptional, good or even poor, whatever it is, to a degree it will be down to how we communicate. I believe it is a wise investment to proceed on a long-term journey of developing your conversation skills. It’ll be journey you will live to enjoy.
The Fundamentals of Communication:
In many of my workshops I cover many subjects that connect with the four fundamental communication skills, although we want be covering this in depth, I will highlight them within the tips that I list.
I'm going to start this list off with 2 Irritating 'Must nots' in conversation:
1. NEVER tаlk over реорlе.
This dеmоnѕtrаtеѕ a real lасk оf respect. Bу tаlking оvеr ѕоmеоnе what уоu’rе basically saying is “I don’t care whаt уоu’rе ѕауing—whаt I have tо ѕау iѕ mоrе imроrtаnt”. This is a lesson in openly attributing value to something. Value is a precious gift that you can bless yourself and others with, it is deeply felt when it is attributed and placed on something. Increase your converstion skill by attributing it to what someone has to say.
2. NEVER finiѕh other реорlе’ѕ ѕеntеnсеѕ.
I used tо do thiѕ a lоt, thinking I was assisting them. So Wrong!. Research hаѕ ѕhоwn bу doing thiѕ уоu аrе diѕ-еmроwеring the оthеr person bесаuѕе уоu are tаking соntrоl оf the соnvеrѕаtiоn, taking control of their contribution, thus robbing them of their rightful position within the conversation - ѕо bitе your tоnguе! and assist yourself.
3. Be a Pаrарhrаѕer
If уоu want tо ѕhоw that уоu hаvе rеаllу undеrѕtооd someone, thеn раrарhrаѕing is a grеаt tооl. All уоu do iѕ repeat bасk tо ѕоmеоnе what thеу hаvе juѕt said, before you comment yourself. Hеrе’ѕ an еxаmрlе: “Sо Barney, what I’m hеаring is thаt rеѕultѕ аrе the numbеr оnе оbjесtivе for you right nоw аnd we need tо find some fаѕt ѕоlutiоnѕ for уоu?”
4. Be Self-Knowledgeable
Get to know what your opinions, values, strengths, weaknesses, interests and needs are. This gives you firm foundation for any conversation as you have a firm point of reference, context and knowledge that is unique and authentic. As human being we are social creatures and extremely relational. We form relationships and engage in interesting conversations by enquiring about each other. There is a strong need in most of us to know something about each other. This makes for exciting, dynamic and fresh conversation. The more you know about yourself, the more unique and interesting you can make the interaction. Grow your conversation skills by growing your knowledge of self.
5. Be Fascinating
Everyone likes juicy bits of information they've never heard before. When we are presented with knowledge that is new, the conversation becomes monumental and memorable. It stands out and etches itself into our historic records. When we are able to frequently talk about things someone didn’t know, they'll find you fascinating. A good reason to possess knowledge in fields such as psychology, theology, science or sociology. However, possessing conversation skills is about knowing when and where. It's crucially important to bring this type of impressive knowledge out at the right moments.
6. Be the 'Feel Good' person
People just love a sincere, meaniful compliment. This is apossed to a generic one that could apply to millions of others. Becoming someone that is able to genuinely pay attention to others beyond their surface persona, is a big plus. Identifying a real quility and paying a unique compliment, is a great ability to develop within your comication skills. Be that person that helps others feel good about themselves in an authentic way.
7. Be Attentive
Conversation skills also consists of noticing things that others simply neglect. If you become that person who is able to notice the usually unnoticed, gather and present within the conversation, you'll be remembered forever. It could be a beautiful tatoo, elegant piece of clothing, a rare wrist whatch, an accent or a mannerism that is associated to a sport or culture etc. This could be seen as impressive and sophisticated.
8. Be Certain in your body
Assume the position of confidence. This goes a long way when conversing with others. Body language is called that for good reason, it speaks to the other/s within the conversation alongside the verbal communication. While you may well be verbally saying confident things, if you're body language isn't following suit, you are sending out conflicting messages. This can be confussing and will weaken your impact. Good body language ensures that the language you're physiology is giving of is one of certainty and self assuredness. Straightening your back, comfortable poise, head up and focusing on the subject is a great start.
9. Be focused with Eye language
Continuing on the subject of confidence, your eyes hold the ability to readiate an air of confidence. As you focus on the person you're communicating with, it shows that you are confident. Studies show that, low self esteem and a lack of confidence is exhibited by people that attempt to avoid eye contact for much of the time in conversation. Also, when you converse with someone, your eyes are a great way of showing that you care about what they're actually saying and that you are giving them your undivided attaention. The eyes are said to be be the window to the soul, so you can show deep sincerity through them by staying your eyes on them. So conversation skills consist of eye languaging to communicate certainty and caring.
10. Be vulnerable by Self-Disclosing
Creating great bonds and nurturing rich communication within a conversation, it's good to understand what's really happenning. Inveriably, we are gradually disclosing information about each other. From our perspective about aspects of life, what we like and how we think to who we support, what we care about and what we really love. This process of giving and recieving helps us to connect and bond with others. However, this may sound elementary, but it's so easy to position yourself as better, higher or as a teacher within a conversation. By not willing to self-disclose, we can unknowingly take the position as councellor or judge over others, instead of becoming vulnerable, normal and down to earth.
I hope you've taken away tips that will increase your conversation skills, we'd love to hear your feedback bellow.
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