The real search for identity – Ghramae Johnson
Many of us would love to act, communicate and generally walk through life in a way that is both true to who we are and genuine towards others. This may seem like an easy task to many, however it has proven to be one of the most difficult things to actually do.
Why is it so difficult to do?. Some of the difficulty comes from our upbringing. From an early age we are taught rights and wrongs, good, not so good and excellent. These standards have many more variations and they installed into us and reinforced through our own experiences. For example, we all have an idea of beauty, or evil or even someone who deserves and attracts respect from others. As humans living in the western society have grown up measuring our self and others to these values. We tend to shape and modify our behaviour to fall inline with what we think will attract, let’s say respect, if that’s what we desire. There in lies the problem, by learning to value something external to us more than our own, natural way of being, we, by default have been taught to behave unauthentically. This astranged relationship between your learned behaviour, based on social, religious and cultural values and your true self goes undetected by the majority. These learned values have become so ingrained in our psyche, that anything outside of these are sometimes deemed as spiritual, new age, woowoo or psychobable.
It’s absolutely amazing that we can loose ourselves by the very systems and values we put in place. These system of education like , modelling agencies, magazines, advertising and even politics send out clear cut messages that further reinforce the conditioning that is already in place.
In an attempt to be respected, appreciated, liked and even loved, we sometimes act really nice. This brand of nice is not the real nice attached to our Authentic self. This nice is based on fearful, a fear of not being accepted, liked and loved.
It stands without reason, we should be nice, however not at the expense of who I truly am. If I betray and compromise my authenticity and by doing so I replace a ‘NO’ or ‘I do NOT WANT THAT’, with a ‘SMILE’ or an ‘OK’, that’s being disingenuous to my true self and internal values.
When we constantly go against ourselves in this way, we often walk away feeling compromised, cheated and betrayed, WHY? Because we have indeed betrayed our selfs. The worst Kind of betrayal is when the closest thing to us let’s us down in this way, that’s our selves.
There are behaviours that follow this betrayal
* Blame others or something else
* Self blame
* Anger (stored up)
* Internal frustration – depression / anxiety / worthlessness
* loss of confidence
* loss of motivation and focus
* Coping mechanisms (poor cycles of behaviour and thinking that assist you in managing the unrest / uncomforted / tension / pressure / Fear / confrontation etc)
We compromise and betray our selves in an attempt to restore internal peace, external harmony, likeability, credability, judgement, union with a group or Individual.
The bottom line? …WE ARE PROTECTING OUR EGO and its built up REPUTATION.
The ego is a collection of thoughts – ideas, beliefs which come together to make a personality from which you think and view the world through.
When we approach a situation that involves us making decisions, we can tend to frame our behaviour in a way that falls in line with those external conditioned values. The inner feelings we experience while we’re negotiating through these situations have a direct connection to the protection and preservation of our ego’s reputation.
This is a place of fear. When we are constantly subconsciously and consciously protecting the ego, means we in a state of fear (to a lesser or greater degree).
Many of us
Fear of conflict
Fear of being disliked
Fear of spoiling the flow
Fear of Not being accepted
Fear of hurting peoples feelings – More like FEAR OF our feelings of hurting others
Fear of how we will feel
We are FEARFULL OF OUR OWN ANGER
– OUR ANGER IS POWERFUL ENERGY – GREAT ENERGY IF FILTERED WISELY
– -ACCEPT AND EMBRACE YOUR ANGER (ITS A POWERFUL ENERGY)
– LEARN TO FRAME YOUR RESPONSE (Bible ..ANGER BUT DON’T SIN)
– FACE THE FEAR – TRANSFORM IT
(it is advisable to seek a coach or someone who can guide you through the process of Anger embrassement) – the wrong approach could be disheartening to you or destructive to others)
WE NEED TO EXPRESS AUTHENTICALLY (FEEL THE FEAR AND SMILE) ..
We are CALLED TO BE both
>>> NICE & RESPECTFULLY TRUTHFUL <<<
BE AUTHENTIC in a RESPECTFUL MANNER … IT’S NEVER THE DISAGREEMENT, ITS’ THE MANNER IN WHICH YOU DISAGREE
TOO NICE!, NAH! -(false concept) this IS INACCURATE AND MISSES THE POINT:
it’s an ERROR TO SEE IT AS TOO NICE, rather ITS BEING UNWISE/ UNAUTHENTIC / SELF BETRAYAL…THERE is a missing part of WISDOM
your MISSING OUT THE RESPECTFULLY TRUFULL part OF THE EQUATION. –
THIS ONLY LEADS TO BETRAYAL OF THE WORST KIND
NICE + RESPECTFULLY TRUTHFUL = AUTHENTICALLY WISE
i respect your view, although I respectfully disagree
I don’t see it like that
I agree on some things but on others NO
We have a different opinion on that issue
We can Agree to Disagree
I respect your view however I don’t align with it
The skill is to find that balance of behaviour which is over to the centre of your Authenticity (square centre) …Live from here, authentically and Truthfully ->> Let everyone else FIND THERE AUTHENTIC SPOT, it’s not your responsibility.
When I say balance, I really mean you don’t have to over play the Disagreements or NO’s, that’ll be unbalanced like the UNWISE NICE Overbalance
The power is in Being NICE & RESPECTFULLY TRUTHFUL = AUTHENTICALLY WISE
Have the courage to be who you are… you’re truly awesome